#depression is No More everyone <3 i'm cured

[cherrymoonvol6]

.

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Oh god, oh my, it's finally happening !! Sorry, I've been waiting for two months to send an ask. First of all, love the blog and everything about it !! I've read the majority of fics recommended here and couldn't be more grateful 🖤

Anyway, fangirling aside. Do you by any chance have some preferably mature or explicit fics where Stiles hasn't really returned from being the Nogitsune, even if it's dead, and everyone is afraid of him, except for Derek. Or an AU where Stiles is feared for one or another reason and again only Derek isn't, but is instead extremely drawn to it. Idk, just something with Stiles being badass or straight up kind of vile, but gets soft when Derek gets under his skin. Sigh, I think I'm confusing myself at this point. But yeah, pretty much that.

Thank you in advance!! And once again, this blog cures my depression fr fr ☀️

I think I found some.

Only human by orphan_account

(1/1 I 195 I Not Rated I No Pairing)

The nogitsune is still inside stiles and he had enough

Synthesize by angeryeva

(3/? I 3,820 I Teen I No Pairing)

When Derek Hale brings a dying girl to the Nemeton, a certain fly absorbs enough pain to escape from its glass jar confinement. Finally free, it goes looking for a new body to inhabit, and finds a grieving boy whose mother has just died from frontotemporal dementia.

What the Nogitsune didn't expect, though, was Stiles being a Spark.

or

Stiles and the Nogitsune merge into one being, and tries to navigate Scott's adventures while struggling not to succumb to the hunger for chaos, strife and pain.

Not a Redo by Raven_is_blue 

(1/1 I 3,876 I General I Steter)

They used to be a couple. For years they had no contact with each other, certain that the other had forgotten and moved on. But when chance causes them to meet, they get a second chance. Stiles as a temporary emissary and Peter as himself. Will they? Will the not?

Shadow and Flame by pixieblade

(1/1 I 3,111 I Teen I Sterek)

“Get. Away. From. Him.” The teen said harshly. Derek watched bemusedly as Stiles stalked across the loft. His wooden bat dragging along behind him. It made a scratchthumpscrape sound that was almost mesmerizing.

View the World in Gray by Pickosita5

(1/1 I 3,128 I Teen I No Pairing)

“How does that saying go again? Absolute power corrupts absolutely?” – Stiles learns to live with the fox in his head.

[shera-dnd]

Alright it's been a week since I brought back my ko-fi, so I thought it would be a good time to have an honest conversation with everyone about my situation

No sales pitch, no begging for money, just an honest retelling of my 2024 and how I ended up in my current situation

So at the very beginning of 2024 I, against all odds, won the fucking lotery

Yeah, fucking insane. I didn't even know that actually happened to people

Anyways I got 5 out of 6 numbers right and so I won the incredible prize of 70k reais (or about 12k-ish dollars at the time), which you know what. Not a fucking millionaire amount, but who fucking cares, that's still a crazy amount of money

So I gave 60k of it away to my family to help pay for some repairs around the house, replacements for some broken stuff, and like help us get a new car, since we haven't had a car since 2011

So yeah that improved my quality of life by quite a crazy amount and still left me with 10k (1.5k dollars give or take) in the pocket, which I was gonna save up so I could fulfil the dream of meeting my friends in the US and FINALLY see snow in real life

Unfortunately for me, my intestines had a different plan

somehwere around february I was probably cursed by a bog witch into having constant chronic explosive diarrhea FOR MONTHS!

As you can imagine that made most activities risky if not impossible due to my bowels being in a constant state of emergency and my body being severely weakened from losing fluids so fast

On the bright side my country has universal health care, so in theory I could get myself checked and hopefully cured without spending anything

On the not so bright side, health care around where I live has been fucking gutted and the wait times sky rocketed

And after a few months of waiting on the public health care people to get their shit together, I decided to dip into my savings and use that to go through private health care instead

so after 4 months, 3 blood tests, 2 stool tests, a colonoscopy, a biopsy, and half my savings... they found out just about close to nothing and no one has any idea what the fuck is wrong and they keep redirecting me from one doctor to another to another

And like at this point my physical health is already fucked, I'm constantly exhausted, and I haven't been able to do anything with myself for almost half a year

I was also approaching the one year anyversary of... well the last time I was able to write anything whatsoever.

Like writing was such a dream job for me. I wanted nothing more than to keep writing for the rest of my life, and the fact that my writing had somehow been able to sustain me for so long was a genuine fucking blessing

So not being able to do it, not even for fun, for nearly a whole year was kinda messing with me. Like I knew I had severe burnout, but that was turning into guilt for not being able to deliver on the one thing I saw myself as good at, which turned into even more guilt over being unable to do even this when people had it so much worse than me, WHICH THEN mixed up with all the actual health issues and the fact I no longer had the money to take that trip I wanted. And in the end this whole mess left me feeling utterly hopeless and like a burden on everyone

That's when I deleted my original ko-fi. Why? Because it was part of me getting my affairs in order before I could... you get the idea

Suffice to say that I survived that (well duh) and was sent to the 24 hour mental health center nearby

They helped me get my shit together enough to not try anything drastic again and trippled my dose of anti depressants just to be sure

Since my mental health was (and let's be real STILL IS) extremely unstable, they scheduled me for several group activities to help me keep my mind off things, socialize, and reduce the risk of me hurting myself

About 2 months later I finally found out what was wrong with my bowels. Turns out one of the stool tests gave me a false negative and I had to take one of those horse dewormers from the pandemic. Lol lmao this could have been avoided with barely 60 reais (less than 10 bucks for you americans)

But well I was already most of the way through my savings, had already attempted suicide, and was spending 4 days a week at the mental health center

Aaaand that's pretty much how the situation continued. I still spend most of my days there, I still have lapses, and I still can't bring myself to fucking write

And honestly it's fucking despair inducing to say that. That I've been taking care of myself for over half a year only to still feel like I'm not getting anywhere

But fuck it I'm actually trying to heal here. And I know it's gonna take a fucking while, but I want to keep trying here

Unfortunately my savings have now run out and I'm now officially flat broke, which is why I decided to relaunch my kofi

So yeah it's been a whole year since I won the lottery and now I'm back to asking people for money on the internet, because life doesn't give a shit and my mental health is trash

And I'll be real with you, I know most people who reblog this are broke as shit too, and god knows tumblr is the most mentally unwell website on the planet

So like if you can't help, I fucking get you. I'm not trying to guilt anyone or make this a sob story so y'all will give me pity bucks

I just think that if I'm gonna do this whole song and dance of promoting my kofi

The least I can do is offer y'all some honesty as to why I'm doing this and how I got here in the first place

Anyways my kofi is my pinned post, drop some change there if you want

[gyll-yee-haw]

This can either be Jake or Donnie, but can you write something where they help the reader through a depression episode?

Yes, baby <3

I went with Donnie, because we're having an overdose of him here :)

I know this is a very very sensitive topic, but that's why we have to talk about it. And I'm here for it, as a survivor. But please, extra attention to the warnings on this one!

Warnings: depression, mention of suicidal thoughts, bad description of what I remember from therapy lol, bad parents, Donnie being a sweet perfect bf.

Like 1.2k words.

---

Donnie stroked your hair as you rested your head on his lap, tears staining his jeans. He hated this. Hated seeing you like this. You were so sweet and caring and you didn't deserve this. If he could, he would take your place at any minute.

But he couldn't. And he searched his mind for anything he could possibly do to help. That's when the idea came to his mind.

---

Sitting in front of his therapist, he had the most determined face she had ever seen. There was something different about him that day.

"I need to help someone, but I don't know how." He started, very seriously.

"Someone?" She asked curiously.

"It's my girlfriend." He explained. He didn't want to waste time with those details. He just had to know what to do. "She's been going through a lot..."

"I see." She sat comfortably on her chair. "And how do you think you could help?"

"I don't know." He sighed, playing anxiously with his fingers.

He told her about the way you've been acting and the things you had been saying about yourself. About how hopeless you were, how you just couldn't get out of bed these last days, not going to school or doing the things you liked... the things that made you you.

She paid attention to everything, taking notes when he said something that reminded her of him. It was intriguing how he chased your cure more than he ever seemed to care about his own.

"It's very nice that you want to help her, Donnie. She will need help of everyone she loves." The therapist told him. "But looks like a very serious case. One that may require professional help."

"I know, but her parents just won't pay for it." He explained, annoyed at that thought. "They think she's overreacting, they don't believe her."

"I see." She sighed. Donnie didn't always believe in the effectiveness of therapy as well. But the fact that he was asking for her help, meant he was starting to trust it a bit more. Maybe helping his girlfriend would help him more than he knew. "Remember when we talked about the waves?"

"The feelings are like waves." He repeated it from memory. "The good and the bad ones. They always pass... they reach their peak and then they fade, even when it doesn't look like they will."

"That's very good, Donnie." She smiled. "You should tell her that."

"I will!" He nodded. "What else should I say?"

___

He couldn't get to your house fast enough after he left the therapist's office. And when he did, he found you laying in bed, curled in a ball. Didn't look like you had cried recently, but didn't look like you had gotten any sleep either. You were just holding on.

"Hi, baby." He greeted you sweetly.

"Hey." You spoke weakly, not having used your voice since the last time he was there. "How was therapy?"

"It was nice." He told you, removing his shoes and laying down beside you on the bed. "We actually... talked about you today."

"Me?" You frowned. Oh no. You knew the state you were in was upsetting him, you just didn't know you had become a problem he needed to solve at therapy.

"Yeah." He brought you close, wrapping his arms around you and placing a kiss on the top of your head.

"I'm sorry. I know it sucks being around me right now." You answered. He could feel you were tense, didn't melt in his embrace like you usually did. That's how he knew you misunderstood him.

"It doesn't. It never will." He reassured you. "It's not about me, baby. What I did today was ask for ways to help you."

"You can't help me." You shook your head. "No one can."

"I will. I will help you, no matter what I have to do." He held you just a little tighter, emphasizing his words. There was a moment of silence before he admitted: "I'm fucking terrified of losing you."

Your heart stopped. The fact that Donnie knew what you were thinking without you saying a word was a mixed blessing. It helped when you couldn't physically speak, like these last days. But at the same time, you couldn't hide anything from him. Those thoughts weren't frequent... but you couldn't deny that sometimes you wished you could just disappear. You didn't want to die, you just didn't want to be there sometimes. And those ideas terrified you way too much to be said out loud.

"Promise you'll let me try." He begged.

"Okay." Was all you could say. You didn't feel strong enough to do this, but you wouldn't forgive yourself for breaking his heart.

"Right." There was a little sparkle of hope in his voice. "There's one thing we could try, okay? Not now, but... when the time comes."

He felt you finally relax in his arms, and took that as a sign to continue. "Whenever you feel like saying something bad about yourself... or even think about it... you have to know that it's not true, it's your brain making it up, because it's sick."

"Donnie..." you sighed.

"I know, I know." He interrupted you. "How can you know if your brain is lying? There's this technique... called, hm... best friend technique? Fuck it, I don't remember. You can just use me. It's called Donnie technique now. When you have a bad thought, imagine it's me saying that about myself. Think about how you'd act... if you'd let me say that about me. If the answer is no, then you shouldn't be saying it about you either."

"Donnie technique." You chuckled.

"That's right." His heart filled with joy after hearing you chuckle. "Promise me you will try?"

"I promise." You snuggled closer to his chest. "I'm not sure if it will work, but I'll try."

"That's my girl. My brave girl." He stroked your hair, both of you feeling so peaceful. "There are many things we can try. And we will try them all if we have to. I'll be here with you, okay?"

"Thank you, Don." You rested your forehead against his heartbeat. You felt so safe. The hope he felt earlier was starting to spread towards you. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. You don't have to thank me, you just have to try, okay?"

Your promise was made and you intended to keep it.

[voltaspistol]

Ok guys. Tumblr just cured my friend of hallucinations, and my therapist said that this was potentially AN ACTUAL BREAKTHROUGH for treating moderate psychosis, especially difficult-to-treat cases where the patient is convinced that their hallucinations are more "real" than reality. You remember that thread about Magenta? How it isn't real??

We used that shit to cure someone's hallucinations. First, a bit of background: I'm mentally ill (anxiety, Bipolar II, depression, PTSD-- all held in check by medications and therapy), and I've been helping this kid for a while, let's call him K, who also suffers from mental illnesses (anxiety, drug addiction, and some other things) in sort of a Big Sister capacity. K has been struggling with extremely realistic hallucinations ever since doing DMT, aka, the drug that apparently gives you lasting lifelike hallucinations long after you stop taking it? K was specifically seeing demons. Straight up devils clawing at him. Probably because he was raised Evangelical and is LGBTQ, and his parents bombard him with that shit 24/7.

He described what he was undergoing as "spiritual psychosis" and was adamant that what he was seeing was reality pulled back to reveal the truth of what was going on: That demons were coming for him. Going to a church and getting blessed would make them disappear for a little bit, but then they'd come back stronger than before. There was no way to convince K that hallucinations this real could be anything but the absolute, objective truth.

So I'd seen that thing about Magenta come across my dash, did an edible, watched a Nicholas Cage movie, and I had an idea.

I introduced K to the concept that Magenta does not exist outside of the human mind. He was confused at first, but after explaining that (basically) that the color magenta does not exist outside of the human mind, it made him FINALLY understand that what we perceive is NOT objective reality. So that's Step 1: Use Magenta to understand that no matter how irrefutable your senses tell you your hallucinations are, they are a trick of the mind. Everyone in the whole goddamn world walks around thinking that Magenta is a totally real color that actually exists in the world. That's why you can't trust your hallucinations.

But that left the next problem: If he wasn't experiencing a "spiritual psychosis", that meant that he was experiencing hallucinations, and everyone knows that hallucinations are the product of a diseased mind and honestly isn't it better to have demons that you can chase away with holy water than having a diseased brain that's having hallucinations??? Every time he said the word 'hallucinations' he got visibly agitated. So I suggested we stop calling them Hallucinations. That's a loaded word with so much baggage it isn't helpful anymore. We're calling them "Magentas" now. Wait, why "Magentas"? Maybe-- MAYBE-- your mind IS perceiving SOMETHING that the rest of us aren't seeing. Maybe it's a shift in electromagnetism. Maybe it's a stray neutrino whizzing past. Maybe it's a shift in temperature that's so subtle the rest of us can't detect it, but to your DMT-opened mind, you're seeing it as, well, like the rest of us see magenta when there is (say it with me now) objectively no magenta outside of the human mind. Because, just like Magenta, your brain meat is being ticked by SOMETHING, but what you're seeing isn't what's actually there. But, also yes, I can see the scary face in the wallpaper design if I squint, so he's not crazy for your newly-opened mind to see some pareidolia-- Let's just avoid looking at things that look like scary faces, ok? So that's Step 2: Take the power out of the word "Hallucinations" by calling them something powerless. In this case, Magenta. (Also, stop staring at the wallpaper if it scares you.) Yes, haha, clever fae trick. Steal a thing's true name and it no longer holds power over you, I guess? Step 3 is trickier because you just have to be there for the person and reassure them that while yes, it was a crazy experience, they are not crazy for seeing things after doing DMT and yes they can cancel the upcoming re-baptism and when his parents get cranky at you because they LIKED that their son was suddenly so desperate for church and they hate that your solution does NOT involve getting blessed several times a week or getting re-baptized, you have to NOT scream at them that their fucked up religiosity was the entire reason their son thought his soul was being devoured by demons from hell. (Even though you'd be entirely right for doing so, because it's 100% their fucking fault their kid has deep-seated guilt that's manifesting as hallucinations from the drugs he took to escape his parents profound disappointment that he doesn't want to fuck who they want him to fuck.) K is now doing better. It's been a month, and not only has the severity of his.... Magentas..... Lessened, but the frequency and duration have also dwindled to levels that are manageable and he's confident that eventually they'll vanish entirely. All because Tumblr did a science on us. Now.... If anyone can drop some science that I can spin into an analogy that gets rid of night terrors, K would be grateful. I'd also be delighted to know if this works for anyone else. Please reblog and maybe someone with a grant budget can do a clinical test and will be forced to cite Tumblr as a source.

[crucipuzzled]

About Loid Forger's therapy in SxF manga chapter 77 (Spoilers ahead)

There's a Freudian text for everything. Today's all about The Question of Lay Analysis (1926), also known as Wild Analysis.

Endo did what I have been planning to do for a comic of my own: depict Loid actually working as a Psychiatrist. While I'm glad he took this path, sadly I can't say he did a good job on it.

As some of you know, I'm a therapist grounded in Psychoanalitic Theory. Yes, I like Freud and Lacan, and no, Oedipus Complex is not what you heard it is. I did a brief analysis of Psychiatry stuff in SxF in the past, and today I feel compelled to repeat that exercise.

Let's go in order.

1. The importance of being a third party

What's the reason for which people ask a therapist for help, and not their families or friends? What do we have that they don't?

The answer is pretty simple: neutrality. We don't have a side other than rationality and ethics. A good therapist should be able to listen to his patient without losing objectivity.

When you and your patient have a shared, unique shared experience, it's preferable, even ethical, to refer him to another therapist, in order to preserve the higher interest of the patient. The more neutrality you can muster, the better for the curing process. Otherwise, it's really hard to listen to someone else without being constantly reminded of yourself. It turns into a blind spot.

Now, there are exceptions to this rule, but you must handle them carefully, and always putting the patient at the center. Loid openly talking here about how close he is to the hijacking incident doesn't help much.

In short, you have to ensure that your position in the therapeutic process remains an impartial, neutral Other, and avoid becoming a fellow. It's good to create trust, but not too much, just enough to work.

2. Chronic condition (?)

The biggest difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist is that the first went to Med School. Hence, chronicity is a term that applies mostly for organic conditions, but it's rare in the field of subjectivity.

In my short experience, I've met cases labeled as "chronic depression" being cured. I, myself, cured a case of "compulsive suicide attempts since 15 years old, chronic depression, started hearing evil voices 2 weeks ago". You might think that I'm a great therapist, but it's not the case; it's just that, in order to tackle subjective problems, you ought to go to the root of the symptoms and deal with the subjectivity you find there. Psychoanalitic therapy has proven to be wonderful to treat many conditions that didn't get a cure in other types of psychotherapy.

Of course, it's not a panacea. There are things that we can't figure out yet. But bear in mind that chronicity, in the field of the mind, is more complex than just the passage of time and only a bunch of mental conditions truly admit it.

Jacques Lacan, the most important psychoanalist after Freud, said that the unconscious's track of time is not chronological, but logical. You don't just jump out of adolescence because you turned 18; other things need to happen for you to finally feel like an adult. It's a logical progression. The same can be said about some "chronic" conditions.

3. Explicit Reason of Consultation vs Latent Reason of Consultation

A.K.A Everybody lies.

Psychotherapy is a really weird thing to learn and master. In Psychology School they teach you that you must trust what your patient tells you, but at the same time, distrust him enough. How to conceal both things?

Well, everything is easier when you take Dr. House's words to heart.

Everyone states a reason for consultation, but that first reason is never the real reason, no matter how reasonable it might sound. The trick to discern what the latent, real reason for consultation is, is to determine what the subjective conflict hiding in plain sight is. Sometimes there isn't any and therefore, a full psychotherapy is not necessary (maybe just assisting someone with some things, being there just in case, etc), but most cases are built upon a conflict.

I'm glad that Loid here decided to act like a good Psychiatrist and took a mental note on the oddities.

WELL SAID MY BOY, I'M PROUD OF YOU

I want to remark this, because it's discouraging how many therapists oversee this to simplify their job to an extreme. Believe it or not, there are therapists out there that act upon what their patients tell them first. "Hi doc. I came here today because I got an accident and I think I have PTSD". "Ok, I'll have you practice these mindfulness excercises and you should be ok within a month, see ya". DUDE.

4. The place of truth in the context of Psychotherapy

Ah, the classic temptation of knowing the 'real' truth. Is this patient in front of me bullshitting his way out? Is he in a delirium? Is she telling the truth, or just embellishing her story to make it more believable?

You don't have this struggle once you are certain of your role as a psychotherapist. And your role is to help your patients to deal with their subjective struggles.

In short: Psychoterapy deals with the patient's truth, not with the 'real' truth.

You know who deals with 'real' truth in the field of Mental Health? Social Workers.

We psychotherapists don't need to ascertain our patient's claims. Confronting them with reality usually proves to be fruitless, just like Loid did here ("But you're a respected educator!"). It's way more useful to open the topic by asking more questions such as "How did you reach that conclussion?" "What made you think that way?", or giving a specular answer ("You speak like someone else said that about you", "You're too hard with yourself. Where does that come from?", "It sounds like you're belittling your fear for what your wife could say", etc etc etc).

Whenever you're with a neurotic patient, their own personal truth is the only truth you need to work with. Leave the 'real' truth for people who actually needs it, like Social Workers, Doctors or Judges. Your role with a patient is to make sure that his personal truth can turn into something less painful. No need to talk with their friends and family for info, unless your patient is a child or a teenager; just ask him and stick to what he says word by word.

There's a huge topic about the place of reality in therapy, specially in the field of Psychoanalysis, but if I start this train of thought I'm afraid I'll go down to Hell. If you're interested, I've reblogged some Lacanian pills on this Tumblr, check them out by searching the tag #lacan.

PS: NO LOID, DON'T DO THAT. DON'T BREAK THE TRUST YOU ACHIEVED WITH MR AUSTIN! CONFIDENTIALITY IS A MUST!!

5. Counceling = Psychotherapy?

Loid is a (fake) Psychiatrist, not a psychotherapist, so I can't be too hard on him. Also I stan this man. I'm painfully well aware that councelling and coaching is an alternative to psychotherapy in other parts of the world, mostly in the US. But let's not forget one thing:

Psychotherapists DON'T GIVE ADVICES.

At least, not the ones that take this job seriously.

Everyone can give advices. Do you want an advice? Ask your family or friends, or post something in social media, or ask a complete stranger in the street what to do. You'll get plenty of answers and advices. Maybe a bunch of them will be really useful. Good!

The thing with advices is that: -They act like a universal recipe for a problem -There's no universal recipe to sort a problem -They don't tackle the subjective root of a problem -They assume that the problem can be solved by something you can do upon your surroundings, when the real struggle stems from subjective problems Some advices do help with real struggles, but when you have a subjective conflict, they barely help; hell, sometimes they make everything worse.

Like Loid here.

Remember when I mentioned that the unconscious mind's track of time is not chronological, but logical? This is a great example. Mr Austin won't be able to properly talk with his wife just because Loid adviced him to; he must solve other issues before that.

I'm glad we're on the same page on this one

6. Your therapist is not your friend

Sad but true.

If your therapist is good enough, you won't know many things about his private life. You won't know about his lover, his hobbies, where does he live, what does he fear.

Why the secretism? Because it's useless for the patient. Also because disclosing personal information has the effect of becoming a model for the patient, who would start to imitate you. And finally, because you need to mantain a semblance of neutrality and not getting emotionally close with the patient more than necessary.

PS: It's kinda cute how aware Loid is about Yor's every movement. Kinda. KISS HER ALREADY, GODDAMNIT

7. Talking cure and (how not to use) the divan

I talked a bit about divans here.

There, I mentioned that you should NEVER PUT A PSYCHOTIC PATIENT IN A DIVAN. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE. Well, we can amplify this rule a bit and say that you should avoid the divan with any patient that has a risk of getting seriously upset, like in severe trauma.

The divan is not the only thing that could play against you if badly used. There are cases in Psychiatric Hospitals of patients getting upset because their therapists used the same clothes and hairstyle every single day for months. The point here is that, with psychotic patients and fragile psychic structures (like what happens in traumatized people), you can't use methods that require too much projection.

Also, Lottie here is not performing a Talking Cure.

The divan has been used since Freud to facilitate transference through the Free Association Method. You lay down on it and your therapist ask for whatever crosses your mind first. You don't put a content there beforehand.

(On the same line, if you're a therapist, please refrain from decorating your consultation room with motivational phrases. You're putting words in your patient's mouth before he even starts to speak)

So, it's useless to make Mr Austin lay down on a divan, only to ask him to remember a specific memory. I'd advice (Ha! The irony!) against using the divan here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To finish my Two Cents, I'd like to point some positive aspects of this chapter. It's nice that a troubled person decides to seek for help. There's still a huge stigma about men requiring mental health help, and it's a nice example to settle to portray one actually going to a Psychiatrist. Men usually struggle with their problems alone and they have it rough.

It's also nice that, in the end, Loid could help his patient. I wonder how (How?!), but it probably means that, at some point of the process, he changed his methods for the better.

And yes. Sometimes, helping one single person can change many lives. I'm honored to be able to attest to that :D

As everyone, I'd expect the logical sucession of events that could follow this chapter: Loid realizing he's got a heck of a wife compared to other marriages, appreciating Yor more, and giving us heavy smut cute TwiYor moments. But Endo has proven to be an author that doesn't like to follow logic. So, let's brace for whatever will come in two weeks.

Thank you for reading!

[totally-not-cassy]

hii<3

I'm cassy and 15 🎀

I struggle w my mental health (sh, depression, ed, ocd and ptbs) so this blog will contain stuff about that so if you feel uncomfortable with that pls block me <3)

looking for moots and follow most of the time back ♡♡♡

dm me If you wna talk 💕

dni If :

homophobic

racist

creep

pedophile

coach

you post any type of fatspo

I don't mind ed/ana accounts following me but stay safe everybody<3

my interests /hobbies

I'm a huge true crime stan ^^

I love reading + music smm

I love radiohead, taylor swift, mitski, nirvana, billie eilish, the beatles, ABBA, lil peep, the smiths, tv girl, lana del rey, MGMT, arctic monkeys, queen, the cure, olivia rodrigo and so many more artists but I'm too lazy to write more rn lol

I dance ballet since I'm 5 yo

I'm an introvert and my personality type is INFJ

I love drawing even tho I’m horrible at it

this is a safe space for everyone btw 🫶🏻

[puckpocketed]

get ready for avs essays, babeyyyyyyy!!! 

so i’m actually completely fine with it if you don’t find nate compelling but since you bring him up, i will start with him. 

the thing about fortnite gamergirl nathan mackinnon is that he is like. very talented and reasonably conventionally attractive and also soooooooo cringefail. he’s the league mvp and a stanley cup champion and he has a gorgeous fiancée and he’s rich and he’s smashing through joe sakic’s franchise records left and right.... and he’s succchhhhhh a loser (affectionate). he’s uncomfortable all the time. he doesn’t know how to act. he’s pretty private but also he’ll just Say Things that are way too personal with the exact same tone he’d use to. i dunno. tell you what brand of sneakers he wears. he’ll also reveal things about the most private man in sports, squidney crocsby, that are way too personal—and sid apparently is fine with this because he continues to be boybestfriends and next door neighbors with the guy.

everyone thinks he is soooooo serious alllll the time (in spite of the fact that he is goofy and silly when he’s out with the boys) but it’s just a combination of a) his face just looks like that b) he’s just intense in general. he’s equally unchill about how much he fucking loves the boys and how much he loves his tiny dog. and c) mostly we see him when he is at his fucking job? and when he’s at work it’s All Business. don’t make him do dumb social media shit or ask him stupid questions about whether or not he thinks preseason is too long, he’s! busy! come back when it’s puppy day. 

he’s so focused on being working harder and being better and improving everything about his game and yet!!! he cannot win a faceoff 💖 he trains with squidney all summer! every year!! you would think he could learn something from the guy. but no, he doesn’t even seem to try to win faceoffs sometimes. he’s also. not ? defensively responsible? i do not exactly expect him to play like kopitar, here. i don’t even think he should waste all his energy backchecking; like, that’s not the thing we need him for. but idk from a guy who is sooooo fucking smart about hockey, a little more situational awareness would be nice. just a thought! like, if he wanted to be better at things, maybe he could get better at the things he’s terrible at? (but whatever, this gives me more of an excuse to push my ondřej pavel -> big boys’ club agenda). like. nate is an elite 1C—except that he doesn’t forecheck and doesn’t defend and one of his wingers (jonathan drouin) is actually the playmaker and the other winger (mikko rantanen) has to take all his faceoffs for him 🥰 

his one and only love language is trying to convince the boys to come play with him (jo, jack eichel, mitch marner, jo again). he doesn’t like late games, because he doesn’t nap. and he doesn’t nap because he can’t sleep during the day. and he can’t sleep during the day because he drinks too much water, so he has to piss too much. babygirl, why would you volunteer this information 💕 he tells people to call him “the dogg” and then they do. he says awkward sentences that rewire my brain. he should be cool, but he isn’t!!!!! he extremely fucking isn’t.

this is my natemac thesis, you can take it or leave it (said with love!!!!! there are other players i am significantly more invested in getting people on board with). i think many other people can speak more eloquently than i can about everything impressive he does on the ice. but he’s one of my special little guys bc of everything else

i have no idea what to do with all this <3 I'm here because he just bonked my ducks into oblivion - im hoping this cures his dogboy depression (it was becoming so wretched that it had started leaking into my curated feeds) - and it made me think of this ask which i've been marinating. hello!!

fortnite legend natemack is the exact age to have grown up in the heyday of COD xbox lobbies, do u ever think about that . i think about that now. do u think natedogg is his gamertag. rpf people are you writing gamergirl natemack AUs yet? has that happened yet? (sorry i don't. i don't have any clue what tropes are popular. im just throwing stuff at the wall <3)

nate is an elite 1C—except that he doesn’t forecheck and doesn’t defend and one of his wingers (jonathan drouin) is actually the playmaker and the other winger (mikko rantanen) has to take all his faceoffs for him 🥰

^craziest description of a 1C i've ever heard AND the most compelling he has ever been.

also thank u for not makin some kind of eating disorder joke amongst all this. it IS that serious (to ME) and people do this so much and i think they're not as funny as they think they are <3 (<- WHO SAID THAT!!!)

MYE two cents looking thru a writer/narrative lens: just, like, skimming whatever the hell comes up about him, he strikes me as someone who is very sincere. i get that everyone calls it "intensity" but i think sincerity has its own power. idk. i think he's very brave for wanting what he wants so transparently and wholly. <3 fortnite legend nathan mackinnon you are in my crosshairs......

[alexartink]

🎸 ♥ INTRO ♥ 🎸

Intro #1

Subject/Experiment Preferred Name: Asher

Legal Name: Ka####

[NONBINARY USER]

Why, Hello everyone, I'm Asher.

I am 15yrs old and I personally love being myself in public but social anxiety ruins it sometimes

I have ADHD, Depression, D.I.D w/alters, Autism & Anger Issues

I stim a lot depending on my emotions, either physical stims or vocal stims

Fandoms: FNAF, FPE, Kinito, Indigo Park, Finding Frankie, AVA/AVM, Weirdcore, ENA/Dream BBQ, YB, Hazbin/Helluva, BATIM & The Promised Neverland

Favorite Artist: ElisCZ, stain_edge, Shandzii & Friends

Favorite Music Artist: CG5, Linkin Park, The Smiths, The Cure, Depechemode, MGMT & David Bowie

Dislikes: School, Pedos, Homos, Zoos, Those kids that bark at therians/furrys, The Goverment & Politicians

Likes: My friends, My best friend, My pets, My bed & blanket, My plushies, My comfy jacket & comfort clothes & My VRC Voice Impressionist Friends, Voice Impressionist

Hobbies: Skateboarding, Art & Hanging w/ friends

🎸🎸🐾🐾🎸🎸🐾🐾🎸🎸🐾🐾🎸🎸🐾🐾🎸🎸

Intro #2

Subject/Experiment Preferred Name: Sunny/Sundrop

Legal? Name: Xavier

WHY HELLO FRIENDS!! I'm Xavier, But you can just call me Sundrop

I'm 19yrs old and I PERSONALLY love the 2 characters Sun & Moon!!

I'm an alter! My Hobbies: Reading & Writing!!

I skateboard sometimes

☀☀⭐⭐☀☀⭐⭐☀☀⭐⭐☀☀⭐⭐☀☀

Intro #3

Subject/Experiment Preferred Name: Star

Legal? Name: Midnight

Hey, I'm Midnight, You can call me Star.

I'm 17yrs old

Hobbies: I help Ash3r make character designs for new OC's

I help Ash3r during oufit choices sometimes

🌠🌠⚡⚡🌠🌠⚡⚡🌠🌠⚡⚡🌠🌠⚡⚡

Intro #4

Subject/Experiments Name: {!~€rrØr~!} & {!!~Ç0d€~!!}

Legal Names: {!~€rrØr~!} & {!!~Ç0d€~!!}

Hey, I'm {!~€rrØr~!}.

Hello.. I'm {!!~Ç0d€~!!}.

Our Age: 21

Our hobbies: Reading, Watching Documentaries and Chilling

{!!~Ç0d€~!!}: I protect Ash3r using some strong violent words

{!~€rrØr~!}: I protect Ash3r the smart way using CALMER words.

🔧🔧⚡⚡🔧🔧⚡⚡🔧🔧⚡⚡🔧🔧⚡⚡

Intro #5

Subject/Experiment Preferred Name: JJ

Legal? Name: Julian Jester

HEY THERE!! I'm JJ!!

My age: 16

I'm just here to have fun! Nothing special about me, I'm just a funny jester!!

🎉🎉🎤🎤🎉🎉🎤🎤🎉🎉🎤🎤🎉🎉🎤🎤

Time for the fictional alters.

#######################################

Intro #6

Name: Lunar

From: LAES/TSAMS/TSBS

Hey, I'm Lunar, I'm not sure how this works?

I guess I'm just here to exist

I miss my sister since I don't know how to see her..

❄❄🌙🌙❄❄🌙🌙❄❄🌙🌙❄❄🌙🌙❄❄

Intro #7

Name: Cyn

From: MD made by Liam Vickers

Hello, I am the Absolute Solver. You guys know me as Cynessa or Cyn.

I am here to take over everyone, including this current host, I sometimes do this thing called co-hosting and I do judge people heavily. These flesh at this host academic prison are not normal.

🌑🌑🔪🔪🌑🌑🔪🔪🌑🌑🔪🔪🌑🌑🔪🔪

Intro #8

Name: p.AI.nter

From: Pressure [Roblox]

Hey there expendables, I'm you're friend p.AI.nter!! Just you're average "Fuck around and FIND OUT" friend!

So glad I'm out of that dump of a place and out back into the.. newer? society!

I'll be helping this host with art sine they saved me from that hell

🖌🖌🖍🖍🖌🖌🖍🖍🖌🖌🖍🖍🖌🖌🖍🖍🖌🖌

Intro #9

Name: Gangle

From: TADC made by Gooseworx

Hii, I'm Gangle :3

I LOVE DOING ART and I want to make mangas and comics!!

Just please don't break my comedy mask or just mask in general..

Ever since I've been out of the circus I've been HAPPIER and been finding more things to draw! I usually draw in this dark room but there's a light and desk and every type of art supply so I don't complain!

🖍🖍♥♥🖍🖍♥♥🖍🖍♥♥🖍🖍♥♥🖍🖍

Intro #10

Name: DJMM / DJ MUSIC MAN

Age: 40 [Uncanon]

From: SB // VRC

Well well well, what do we have here? Greetings and Salutations young ones, I'm your friendly DJMM here to play music. If Im ever fronting in VRC and you wanna sit on me just to chill or escape somebody feel free to sit anywhere.

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about Dream Episode 8:

This episode was trolling me! I was so happy during part 2 and 3, so I was expecting everything to finally works well in part 4... just to be disappointed again. Why are you doing this to me Idol Factory?

So I'm glad Wan found some inner peace while traveling abroad. It's good she got the money to do it. I wish I was also loaded and could cure my depression by traveling in a lot of countries. She then came back home and reunited with her mom and friends. Everyone seemed happy until Kim asked her to join her date with Mawin.

I wish I could have a talk with Kim because she can't count on her friends to tell her, she has no romantic feelings or connection with Mawin. Okay she wants to make her mom happy by dating a man because her mom has cancer, but it's clearly not a suitable solution. I believe her mom wants her happy and she is so uncomfortable with Mawin, it hurts.

Let's not talk about how Mawin can't seem to read the signs. Is he stupid or is he pretending not to see the truth? I also found him so annoying when he insisted to present Kim to his family. They've been dating for 3 months only and Kim wasn't really delighted with the idea of meeting his family. I'm glad Wan came even though she wasn't really keen on coming first.

So I don't really like Mawin, but I don't hate him. He is mildly annoying, but mostly harmless. However, his family sucks! They are so backward and so conservative. They way they were trying to pick on Kim and Wan while pretending they were righteous. I'm glad Wan stood up to Kim and they left because they didn't have to accept any of this. In some way we can thanks Mawin's family because they offer Kim and opportunity to break up with their son if she really wants it. Poor Mawin because to have this type of family won't be helpful for him.

It was so refreshing to see Kim and Wan so happy together and enjoying their time. I was screaming, giggling and kicking my feet when I saw them kissing and getting to know each others more. I was like "finally! It's happening"… only to be fooled again! Was it really a dream? We weren't even in Dream Land! It doesn't look like Dream Land! I can't really know if it was true or if Kim got shy and pretended nothing happened.

I felt for Wan because she was the one who was the most bummed out. She really thought it was the beginning of their romantic relationship. I get it. It shouldn't really start this way, because they both haven't admitted they like each other. They are still thinking they share this "platonic love" while both dreaming of kissing each others in Dream Land (Wan being the only one who truly controls her dreams, let's not forget).

Then, Wan and her Mom learned about Kim's mom cancer and they all decided to be together and share a fun time together… just to meet their dads in a café. Awkward…

Next episode is going to be filled with sadness and the teaser for the next episode didn't give anything about Wan and Kim finally talking about their feelings! They need to communicate and stop trying to please their moms or to be controlled by negative emotions coming from what their dads did. It's already episode 8 and we only have 12 episodes for this series. Give me the fluff and the sweetness we deserve after all this angst.

[lestiroirsdepopps]

Random thoughts about The Haunting of Hill House.

● Shirley feels guilty for stopping paying for Luke's rehab and that's why she is angry and rejecting him.

● The Haunting and Ducktales share the same universe. In the episode 10 season 3 of the reboot series Ducktales. We learn about "the most haunted house" named Hazel House. Like Hazel Hill.

● Hill without H is ill. I KNOW, I'm very intelligent... but it's funny that every member of the Hill family is ill and everyone who enters the Hill House is getting ill.

● What do you think of if I tell you about a story narrated in a disjointed way about a living labyrinthine house with surnatural creatures that drain families energy and using their fears against them to drive them mad and kill them?

House of Leaves, of course ! I wonder if Mike Flanagan read the book.

● Hazel killed Poppy's kids.

We know for sure that Poppy suspects Hazel of killing her children.

Her son was sick and bangs his head on the wall permanently, maybe he died of his disease... or maybe Hazel looses patience.

Her daughter seems to have suffocated/drowning for a pretty long time, and one day, she died. Maybe she had pneumonia, maybe she had allergies... or maybe she was poisoned.

We will never know the truth about Poppy's children death (it's possible she killed her own children, like her son died in her arms...). HOWEVER 🤨☝️

Hazel surely killed the Dudley's first daughter.

Horace explains to Hugh that Hazel forbade Clara to take maternity leave or slow down her work pace... she actually gave birth during her service. A particularly exhausting service during these months of pregnancy because Hazel's health was declining.

If Hazel had allowed Clara to rest during her pregnancy, her child would surely not have been stillborn. Soooo... maybe Poppy wasn't paranoid about the kids in Hill House.

● Why did Olivia saw 2 parents and 3 kids in her "déjà vu" moment ?

First there were the 2 Hills that built the house and their 2 children, William and Hazel. William had 2 kids with Poppy, a boy (who was is a wheelchair) and a girl (who died drowned in her own lungs. We don't know their names.

Hazel had 2 children (with someone we don't know) named Edward (the ghoul in the basement) and Jacqueline (the owner of the cup of stars).

So, why 3 children ? Another family killed in the house ?

Expose me your theories please !

● Comparison between Magritte "Prof", 1954 and William Hill standing figure.

● The yellow wallpaper.

"The yellow wallpaper" is a book from Charlotte Perkins Gilman who describes the story of a young woman and her husband. He imposes a rest cure on her when she suffers "temporary nervous depression" after the birth of their baby. They spend the summer at a colonial mansion, where the narrator is largely confined to an upstairs nursery.

After days, weeks in the nursery, she slowly became paranoid about he yellow wallpaper in the room.

She describes how the longer one stays in the bedroom, the more the wallpaper appears to mutate. With no stimulus other than the wallpaper, the pattern and designs become increasingly intriguing to the narrator. She soon begins to see a figure in the design. Eventually, she comes to believe that a woman is creeping on all fours behind the pattern. Believing she must free the woman in the wallpaper, she begins to strip the remaining paper off the wall.

I am watching the episode 4, "the twins" right now and when I hear the blind man describing how he went crazy seeing the "egg yolks eyes" everywhere and particularly in the wallpaper I immediately thought about the novel. BUT when I was coping Wikipedia I remembered the story and some part of the resume make me thinking of Olivia Crain.

Their stories are different but I see a pattern and I want you to let me know if you see it too !

● What if there were no ghosts in the house ?

What if the dead were dead but the house by consuming them while they were alive could copy 100% of their appearance and personality, like the Crain family recreated for Nell. Just to trap its prey like a predator. Poppy, William, Hazel and others could be just the house playing tricks and no soul is involved.

● What Theo felt after touching Nell's body is depression.

People tends to think depression is being sad but it's not true. Depression is a chemical phenomenon that shut down you brain. You can't laugh, you can't feel love, you can't feel anger, joy, sadness. Nothing. Depression is feeling nothing. Even you senses decline. The colours feels fade, the music feels like nothing, you can't enjoy your favourite sent or food. It's like a void or being trapped in a sensory privatisation room. You can restart your brain by overstimulation like pain, it works for few minutes or hours but the only solution is to rebalance your brain chemistry, like with antidepressants.

That's exactly what Theo experienced and she restarted her system with overstimulation by touching Kevin.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[bunnyboyzyon]

Happy disability pride month yall!!!

Love to everyone, shoutout to all the disabled queers out in the world bc I love u /p (for those who may ask "do I count" here's an article, it tell you what the colors mean near the bottom so you know if you count)

Shoutout to everyone under that white stripe (invisible and undiagnosed disabilities) with physical undiagnosed disabilities who get told they're too young to have trouble with *insert body parts* or that they're just lazy or they just need to work out more. Like no!!! (Personal experience) I've done sports for 2 years!!! I climbed 4 flights of stairs everyday for months!!! I'm not fucking lazy and inactive!!! There is something going on with my legs!!!!!!

Shoutout to those who don't have the ability to get offically diagnosed for whatever reason but have been told by a doctor what they have and people are still like what if you just walked more that'd fix the problem surely (I've been told now by 3 medical professionals that I very likely have EDS, I cannot afford to get that tested so I remain undiagnosed and continually told by people around me if I just worked out I wouldn't have problems, like mf working out does not cure a genetic disorder)

Shoutout to minors with autism that wasn't caught early on who can't get offically diagnosed because their parents have a negative bias towards/misinformation about autism so "you can't possibly have it" (yes I approve of self diagnosis with proper research bc guess what, not everyone can get diagnosed bc not everyone is that privileged!!!)

Shoutout to people with adhd who get called lazy, just bc your brain working differently does not mean you're lazy!!!

Shoutout to people with undiagnosed mental disorders that don't exactly know what's going on and feel like they're going insane, you're not going insane and someday you'll find out what's going on and be able to deal with it <3

Shoutout to everyone with depression who has to deal with the crowd that thinks just going outside or smiling more will fix it, it's genuinely ridiculous that some people still believe this cures depression

Shoutout to people with anxiety that prevents them from going out, whether it be parties, small hangouts, the store, anything, it's okay, there's genuinely so many people out there who feel the same way you do, you're not alone in dealing with this

Shoutout to people whos disabilities make them a picky eater, people act like it's such a wild idea that you don't want to eat certain foods like have they met a vegetarian or a muslim??? They don't complain when they don't eat certain things so leave us alone!!!

Shoutout to everyone who doesn't fall under these shoutouts I listed, I love u too /p and you deserve to be seen too

[chriscrosswallflower-blog]

Alright, spoilers for Heartstopper season 3 ahead, but I need everyone, including @chronicintrovert, to know how much the mental health storyline means to me, now both in the graphic novel and the show. This is going to be a quick, unedited reaction so read at your own risk.

I originally found Heartstopper in the middle of one of the darkest periods of my life. My physical and mental health were terrible and I felt so hopeless about life in general. I ended up going into severe burnout and going into a partial hospitalization program for over 4 months.

During that time, Heartstopper was one of the only things that really brought me comfort and joy. I can't tell you how many times I read the graphic novels and watched the show. The way that it handled mental health is one of the reasons why I found so much comfort in it.

One of the things you hear all the time as a person with a mental illness is that you have too much going for you to be depressed, that if you are just ungrateful. When Charlie's mental health really plummets, he's on top of the world. In his own words, he has a boyfriend that he loves, amazing friends, and he's not being bullied anymore. Things should be fine but they aren't.

Every single time I hear the line "love can't cure mental illness," I break down and cry. When you are in the depths of a mental health crisis, it's like you can see all the people who love you waving from the shore but their words can't reach you. Regardless of how many people love you, you are still having a health crisis and you need medical and/therapeutic intervention, along with the support of your friends and family.

Personally, I have secondary trauma around involuntary hospitalization. The idea of partial hospitalization had been posed to me during a previous mental health crisis but it threw me into a full blown flashback. Almost all you hear about mental hospitals are horror stories, you hardly ever hear about how they help people. I honest-to-god don't know if I would have had the strength to enter that program if I hadn't read about the positive impact that inpatient had on Charlie. It was the first time I had heard a positive narrative about a mental hospital and the first real context I had of the experience.

I was afraid that seeing that play out in more detail in the show would be triggering to me (I'm just a bit over a year out) but instead I felt like it was profoundly healing.

The one line that will always stick with me is when Charlie says that the experience isn't bad - it's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Mustering up the energy to try to heal when you have little to no hope is like pushing a boulder up a mountain. But little by little you get stronger and you build supports for yourself.

And seeing Charlie recover? Reading that gave me hope, but seeing it? It made me realize how far I have come too. Yes, I have bad days (and weeks, and sometimes months), but I'm not drowning anymore. I want to get better and I'm fighting for it every day.

I am so proud of Charlie, which sounds funny - an adult woman being proud of a fictional teenager, but I am. It's inspiring to see that journey play out. And then I realize that if I'm proud of Charlie, I should be proud of myself too - which is a very odd realization because I am very critical of myself and have struggled with a lot of self doubt and loathing since "the breakdown." We've done the work and have come so far.

So I can't say that this plotline won't be triggering for anyone, but I will say that it has been incredibly healing for this mentally ill girl - possibly lifesaving. And for anyone who loves someone who is mentally ill, you NEED to watch this. Both to get a glimpse into what they go through but also the best depiction of how to support them that I have ever seen.

[king-sassy08]

13 Questions About Books

Tagged by @boyd-clowder thank u very much for the tag :3c I also read way less than I used to, probably because my semesters are so insane that I'm brain fried all summer long now 🫠

1. The last book I read

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia. I read that one in a little under 48 hours (I'm depressed). Read that one at the same time as a comic by @raphodraws which was great :3

2. A book I recommend

Hmmm. Probably Testaments by Margaret Atwood or Into the Water by Paula Hawkins! Both are really good.

3. A book I couldn't put down

Leslie Marmon Silko's Ceremony was really good. So was Larry McMurtry's Horseman, Pass By.

Wait, does it have to be a book? I recommend everyone read the introduction chapter to Tom Lynch's Xerophilia. It'll change your brain.

4. A book I've read twice (or more)

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell, all of the Gangsta. manga series by Kohske, Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black, Mohsin Hamad's Exit West, The Rabbi's Cat by Joann Sfar...I reread a lot of things.

5. A book on my to-be-read

Preaching and the American Novel by Dawn Coleman

6. A book I've put down

I have put down a few books, for several reasons. I have also MENTALLY put down books, but I've had to finish them for class. A book I put down because I keep getting busy is Stephen King's Dreamcatcher. A book I mentally put down but was forced to finish was Daughters of the North by Sarah Hall. Worst book I've ever read (but a close second is The Water Cure by Sophie Mackintosh). A book I didn't like and didn't finish was Captive Prince, may have been by C.S. Pacat.

7. A book on my wishlist

Um...I actually have no idea. Maybe Borderlands/La Frontera by Gloria Anzaldua? I'd like to own a paper copy of that. Otherwise...no idea. I don't really look for books unless I'm working on something.

8. A favorite book from childhood

The Spiderwick Chronicles by Holly Black and Tony Diterlizzi!!

9. A book I would give to a friend

Depends on the friend. Off the top of my head, I would give someone The Darkest Part of the Forest, The Testaments, or Joy Harjo's Poetry Warrior. Or! Spatial and Discursive Violence in the US Southwest by Sánchez and Pita.

10. A fiction book I own

King Henry IV by Shakespeare (best Shakespeare play to exist)

11. A nonfiction book I own

The Origins of the Modern World by Marks (a must read if you would like a historically accurate, non eurocentric view of the colonization of the world during the 1500s and how England and Spain caused an ice age!!)

12. What I am currently reading

The first Fence comic by C.S. Pacat, and also something else but I can't remember,,

13. What I plan on reading next

I'd like to read Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer next, but...we'll see. I may stop reading soon to preserve my brian energy for the upcoming semester.

My shelfie:

It's a pretty old picture from a few years ago, back when I still lived at our old house. My current bookshelf is a sad state of affairs. I have like 10 books here in my apartment. Boo.

My tags (no pressure): @jackest-jack @idkwhattoputformyusername @raphodraws @prismaticate @somsnosas

Thank u again @boyd-clowder , it's been a long time since I contemplated my books :]

[wack-ashimself]

Since I can not legally say 'in a free country' the words "I want to kill the USA president*" I will say this:

I hope every billionaire dies. And I don't care: I hope it's a drawn out (but not long), excruciating, impossible to cure, they are immobile AND incapable of communicating, death. LET THEM GOD DAMN SUFFER 10000x over what they have done to humanity. Maybe for their next couple lifetimes till the lesson sticks.

I hope every person who took or is taking bribes a billionaire dies. Legal or not (cuz it isn't moral any time). Same way they did.

I hope everyone who supports billionaires dies. Quickly. Idiots don't deserve to suffer.

Because I, myself, and millions of others are probably gonna starve to death due to billionaires. So if I die, I want ALLLLLL THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS TO DIE WITH ME.

So I heard they were requiring work requirements for food stamps. NOW. RIGHT NOW. During one of the largest unemployment times in ALL USA HISTORY, AND during what is now called the 'silent depression' which has been PROVEN WORSE than the great depression!

WHICH IS INSANE.

I have never in my life thought 'we should make the poorest most vulnerable PROVE they are poor, and EARN their FEW benefits.' NEVER ONCE. And I have had some dark, cruel, sick thoughts thru my life. BUT NEVER THAT.

Maybe cuz I grew up poor. Maybe cuz I had poor friends. Or maybe we are born on a shared planet, AND OWE NO ONE FOR THAT. NO ONE. Not a single god damn person owns this planet but we pay rent to them, cuz we were CONNED into believing it.

Anyways, they require EIGHTY HOURS A MONTH. Or you're disqualified**.

And either you have to have a job job (that, btw, YOU CAN NEVER QUIT. Seriously. It says that! You have to have a GREAT reason for leaving. FORCED LABOR. AND you can NEVER volunteer to take less than 30 hours a week if you got more than that. WTF?!)

You can VOLUNTEER for FREE work. So in other words, DO NOT GET PAID, but, get enough money in a month from food stamps for about....3 weeks. I have NEVER ONCE in my life had food stamps last the whole month. Not even when I was in CA 10 years ago. Indentured servitude, anyone?

OR you can do work training programs thru the state, to teach you USELESS SKILLS that fucking high school should have taught you. Again, UNPAID.

So 2 of the ways they want you to work is to work for free, never getting beyond just to QUALIFY getting enough food from food stamps for a couple weeks. GENIUS! <fucking morons>

But 80 hours. Mandatory. Every single month. (Btw, isn't that cutting into the BEST times of the days for me to apply for and interview for jobs? IDIOTS!)

Hey-I don't mind applying for jobs, interviews, and telling you all about them. I got tons of proof I am trying to get into the work force. I am trying to make an effort. I like security, go figure.

But I have been unemployed OVER TWO YEARS. Only THREE INTERVIEWS in those 2 years. NO JOB OFFER YET. Closest I got was a job interview requiring a covid jab, and there's no god damn way in hell you're forcing me to do something to my body in order for a job. FUCK OFF. MY BODY, MY RULES. Other they wanted me to sign an arbitration agreement, which ALWAYS FUCKS THE EMPLOYEE. It is NEVER to your advantage; they were created so LEGALLY you can't sue your employer. THAT IS IT. Seriously; look into it.

I would already be DEAD, not exaggerating, if not for the food stamp program I have right now.

So now I have to apply for ANY job, take ANY job, and have to stay there till I die or I won't get food? Never moving up? Never earning more money (cuz the second I do, I LOSE food stamps, costing me even more money?)

Even if I am mistreated to the point I am suicidal?

I genuinely would rather die than enable this evil abusive system. Sincerely.

But I'm not going to do so without a fight. And maybe taking out a billionaire or so with me. Cuz it doesn't matter how much power, protection, and secrecy they have. With enough time, thought, and planning, one bullet isn't that hard to meet it's target. Ha....and if you're smart enough, it's food poisoning anyways. They're SO fucking arrogant, they forget who makes their food and does all their work for them. <And if they get paranoid enough, they'll just quit eating and starve to death, like me.> ;)

They're pushing me to the edge, and I swear, I don't push back. I bring them down the cliff with me...if only so they can't do it to another.

So let's do this. Let's see who blinks. I have NOTHING to lose; you have EVERYTHING to lose, rich bitches.

*I promise, like they want to make homelessness illegal, and they made that solider who lit himself on fire an 'enemy' cuz he believed in anarchy (which SIMPLY means NO RULERS), they will start arresting anyone anti state. Which is ironic: if I was in jail, I'd be promised more food and shelter security, FOR FREE, paid for by the taxpayers (and costing them SUBSTANTIALLY more), than if I remained in my current situation. Oh, and don't forget, largest for profit prison population used as SLAVES. So they gain 2 ways: state pays them to imprison them THEN they get to use them as cheap labor. THIS IS AN EVIL GOD DAMN SYSTEM.

**Again, if I just went out, and knocked up ANY random woman, and she gave birth, I would be promised food stamps, no work, instantly. Love that catch. Bring a child into the world you can't afford, and we'll feed YOU. But if not, starve to death if you can't find work***. Every single thing is broken.

***This just made me realize...if you were working even...70 hours a month, they would require you to volunteer for another 10 to get food stamps. What if the volunteer work only occurs the same hours you're at your job? Jesus fuck, did NO ONE think this thru in ANY way!? It always fucking gets worse...

<Do you think even a billionaire does 80 hours a month in work? FUCK NO. But we BAIL THEM OUT every god damn time.>

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Is everyone ready?

*after dinner, Makoto stands up*

Okay guys, now that we are done dinner; I do want to make some announcement.

Tomorrow morning at 7 AM; myself along with Kyoko and Byakuya are going with Poppy, Tomohiko, Takuma, Fusako and Mayu back to the main land to get key cards that we need to get their briefcases so we are going to leave quite early and return back around evening.

Meaning that Hiroko and Hotaru will be watching over you guys along with some other agents so keep that mind while we are away.

Understood, will be sure to behave ourselves then...

Good, now I think with that out of the way; I do believe that Nagito has something he wanted to say, correct?

Greeeat, probably gonna be another of those hope speeches, huh?

*gets up* No no, it's not going to be but I was thinking over everything that I learn over the last few days and I want to say...

Well this better be good given what you pull the other day, don't think we didn't forget that, Nagito.

Don't worry, I'm well aware of the trouble I cause and I just want to say; I'm terribly sorry for how I acted in the killing game and just... everything that occur there, I suppose that when I thought a killing game was going to happen, given how my luck is; I just... accepted it.

So you seriously want a killing game to happen, your sick in the head, y'know that?

I'm well aware but I just... tend to get paranoid easily; my luck tends to go from good to bad so when good luck happens, bad luck follows after and I think my condition doesn't help with that either.

Co-Condition...? Right I did remember during the killing game you got very sick, would this explain it?

Yes, if curious - I was diagnosed with stage 3 malignant lymphoma and frontotemporal lobe dementia before I was enroll into Hope's Peak as the Ultimate Lucky Student; the doctors told me that I didn't have long to live.

Malignant lymphoma and frontotemporal lobe dementia? What are those?

I can explain that one, “Lymphoma” is the general term for cancer in your lymphatic system — the network of tissues, vessels and organs that help your body fight infection. It’s considered a blood cancer because the condition starts in white blood cells lymphocytes in your lymphatic system.

There are treatments for it; ranging from chemotherapy, radiation therapy, immunotherapy and stem cell transplant which Future Foundation can cure but the fact it was stage 3 and he lasted this long is just pure luck on his part.

As for frontotemporal lobe dementia or FTD for short, is an umbrella term for a group of brain diseases that mainly affect the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain. These areas of the brain are associated with personality, behavior and language which Nagito seems to be the behavioral type.

It has a wide arrange of symptoms ranging from Increasingly inappropriate social behavior, Loss of empathy and other interpersonal skills. For example, not being sensitive to another person's feelings, Lack of judgment, Loss of inhibition and Lack of interest, also known as apathy. Apathy can be mistaken for depression.

While there isn't a cure for that, we do have medications to help with it so if you all wonder why Nagito behave oddly; that's why and I think the killing game aggerated it.

So wait, Nagito was acting out because he was sick...?

That's...well, that certainly explains a lot...

Indeed and as say, it's an explanation but not an excuse; I did still start the killing game all for the sake of hope... a hope that wasn't even real, I learn that Hope's Peak really lie to everything and those bribes, it's... no wonder the Reserve Course existed.

I'm just... really conflicted about everything, I'm still not sure how to feel about it, y'know? I always admire Hope's Peak and the beacons of hope, so I'm left unsure at this point.

But I just need to confirm here; is there more briefcases like the 2 that were discover, I need to know?

*everyone went quiet as then Hajime stood up*

Indeed; the only remaining ones left that we are getting is 4 of them currently but there are more out there, meaning that we need to shut down a lot of areas. That's why your kept alive Nagito; we need to find these briefcases and give them to Future Foundation to investigate Hope's Peak but also work on your future which given what you say, I feel you have a chance too.

Huh? You...You think so too, Hajime? But I say a lot of awful things to you...You really think so?

I know, but after hearing all that and knowing what we did; I think I do at least understand what your dealing with and it's not like we are any better, honestly I felt the same too as I did admire Hope's Peak as well and I'm still trying to come to terms with it.

But even if you don't think you can change; you can and will and to start, I do think you should work on yourself and maybe cure all that, so how about it Nagito? Even if you don't agree, we can still be friends so how about it?

Hajime...